Unfortunately splitting up with a loved one is an unavoidable situation for most of us during our lives. I’m sure we all know that one couple who were childhood sweethearts and have been together living in bliss for their whole lives. However, we all also know that they are the minority rather than the majority. At some point or other we all tend to go through the heartache of a split. When you have had children with the partner you are breaking up with the anguish can be increased tenfold. Not only do you have to keep your own spirits high for yourself but for your kids. Alongside this but there are all of the legal considerations such as custody to take into account and it can often become quite messy. Many couples manage to make splits work and even if they were not entirely amicable they do so for the sake of the children. So it can be possible to move on after your relationship with the father or mother of your kids ends but it will take time and patience and it probably won’t be easy all of the time.
The first thing you need to do before anything else is think about yourself. You are going to be no help to your children if you are irrational and distraught. You need to make sure you use the people around you to support you in your time of need. Never feel embarrassed to tell people because they will want to help you and will be able to be there to give you reassurances and help with tasks. If your network of friends and family has diminished over the years, then build it back up. Ring up people and tell them what has happened and they will inevitably offer to be there for you whether that is to visit and help you or just to lend a listening ear. These people will get you back up on your feet so talk with them, bare your soul and let them in. If you don’t let people help you they won’t be able to.
Remember What It’s Like to Be You
Often when people have been in a relationship for a period of time and it ends they forget how to be themselves. Your life became so intertwined with your partner that you became a couple rather than an individual and you need to remember how to be yourself again. Rekindle old interests and find new ones. This is a time when you can reinvent yourself or go back to how you were before. Either is good just so long as you do one or the other and don’t sit in a state of limbo. Your life is for you and you need to enjoy it for yourself. You might want to suggest to friends that you go along to one of their pastimes too as this can be a great way to find a new interest but with a friendly face alongside you at all times to help you through the tough days.
Think of The Children
I’m sure this goes without saying but you obviously need to consider your children throughout. You cannot worry about them alone and you need to build yourself up before you can get anywhere but always think about how the circumstances might be affecting the children. Try to avoid arguing loudly in front of them and be mindful of the language you use and the things you say. It can be funny how easily small comments can remain in the backs of children’s minds for years to come. It may sound easier said than done but you need to act as amicably as possible in front of them and be rational and sensible discounting your personal differences for their benefits. You will clearly need to be discussing matters such as custody and contacting specialize lawyers that can help you with family law or some with more services like conveyancing. So in order to do that, keep the communication going between yourself and your ex-partner. The actions you take during this time could greatly affect your children’s opinions towards you as well as their future personalities and actions as some children from unfavourable divorce situations can end up affected later in life.